


I'll Make It Be

by nakkacchii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Self-Insert, Vanilla
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 01:04:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20001445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nakkacchii/pseuds/nakkacchii
Summary: It's too confusing to say a word, but hell Iwaizumi's gonna try.





	I'll Make It Be

**Author's Note:**

> To be quite honest, this kinda just came out so its a thing but not a thing? But it was nice to get some writing done because I really missed it. So please enjoy if you can!

The anticipation suffocates Iwaizumi. He knows now, Iwaizumi realizes what all the irritation in his chest was about. He gets it now and he just has to tell you. Once you met him at the little shop, Iwaizumi would confess everything. After everything, Iwaizumi would apologize. You just needed to know, Iwaizumi needed you to know. Iwaizumi needed you to know just how much of an idiot he was to realize so late that he loves you.

When Iwaizumi darts everywhere just to find you, the anticipation invades his veins. His legs don’t know where they are going, Iwaizumi just needs to leave that spot. Everything felt too slow. Nothing felt normal and it felt like it wouldn’t until Iwaizumi told you. The longer he waited there for you, it was as if the guilt would solidify deep within his conscience. You weren’t an idiot, Iwaizumi was just angry that time. He was definitely going to apologize for the other day. Iwaizumi was such an idiot to hide the truth from you. Iwaizumi just wanted to protect you.

Fear blinded Iwaizumi. Real bad.

Iwaizumi needs to catch his breath. His legs feel like they went through a football fields worth of suicides. It’s a bad idea to bend over when one is out of breath, yet here Iwaizumi was being a dumb ass. “Fuck.”

When he stands up straight, his eyes just looked out and see you. The fire pits glowing across your face just in time for Iwaizumi to see you laughing. Originally, Iwaizumi was just going to find you and take you to the river like he promised. Seeing that smile, Iwaizumi wouldn’t have hesitated to go through with that plan. Hell, Iwaizumi just realized how much he loves you.

Iwaizumi just didn’t have a plan for the guy talking to you. He had to remind himself to take a breath for a second when he realized you were laughing with that guy. Your smile left him breathless, but now it was for another reason. It was just...

Every time he sees your smile, Iwaizumi just wanted to smash his lips against yours.

What an idiot, right? It took him this long to realize he loves you, yet it was pretty damn obvious. Iwaizumi was stupid and naive to convince himself he only had those urges because you were pretty. Just...Whenever you smiled like that at him, Iwaizumi wanted to kiss you. As if it was only him that could give you that smile, but whenever you did, Iwaizumi wanted to hold your face and just smash his lips against yours. In his mind, Iwaizumi imagines after he kisses you, time feels so much slower when your lips depart from his. You’re just staring at him with those eyes while Iwaizumi’s completely in shock that he can’t think. You’re so beautiful, something he never thought would collide into his life like this, and so far from his reach. When he imagines you two kiss and he’s stuck in euphoria, you give him a smile and kiss him again, just this time longer and your arms wrapped around Iwaizumi.

So when he just watches you give this guy the same smile, Iwaizumi’s mind goes hazy. It wasn’t like his vision was blurred or his eyes were hurt from the fire. It was like moments ago when Iwaizumi needed to find you, his legs just went on. Iwaizumi almost marched over to you. The features on his face was stern but his veins were flooding with anticipation still. This can't stop him from telling you, he can't be the reason Iwaizumi will be stuck with the 'what ifs' with you, and you can do whatever you want like smile at whomever. But not until Iwaizumi tells you just how much he loves you.

Suddenly your eyes catch Iwaizumi and the light shows your smile softened. Your eyes shine brightly and so vividly, the fire’s light has nothing to do with it. You shine as loud and bright as a star blanketed in darkness. Ever since you entered Iwaizumi’s life, he had lived in that darkness and to finally see light, it was new. Terrifying. Different. But with time, Iwaizumi fully understood the meaning of your light.

You weren’t meant to be hidden or clouded by his fears and insecurities. All you wanted to do was show him there is more light than the sea of darkness Iwaizumi lived. There is more light to keep him warm, you’re just the start of it all. Iwaizumi didn’t even realize he had stopped marching to you when your eyes met. Your softened look was concern and it made you leave the guy to jog to Iwaizumi.

“Hey, I’m sorry!” you started as your jog came to a slow.

For some reason, Iwaizumi couldn’t get a word out. It almost felt like he was going to say something instead of what he wanted. The sight of you smiling with another guy like that left bitterness in his mouth.

“Hey, Iwaizumi-kun, what’s wrong? You look— I’m sorry I took so long. I got a little lost and then this guy asked for directions,” you explained, panting trying to catch your breath. “Wow I’m out of shape! But, yeah, are you—Iwaizumi, what’s wrong?”

“N-Noth…”

It’s all coming back to Iwaizumi. All the times he has hurt you. Every memory and feelings colliding into him.

Everything Iwaizumi did to you, your face flashes in his mind. That time when you were soaked from head to toe waiting for Iwaizumi, even though he was furious you smiled at him. You kept quiet, your face just smiling up at him. As if you weren’t shaking and your teeth chattering. You clenched onto Iwaizumi’s jacket when he wrapped it around you, fingers trembling and so damp. But when you leaned in, resting it your forehead against him, you didn’t have to say a thing. Iwaizumi could tell how you felt. All of your frustrations and impatience imploded and just made you cry. Iwaizumi made you cry.

Iwaizumi will never live down the trip with the guys and you. He was so frustrated with himself he just took it all out on you. What was worse was that it was right in front of the guys. They felt every back lashing word Iwaizumi spat at you and saw what it did to you. Iwaizumi deserved it when Matsukawa punched him. If anyone let him keep going, Iwaizumi was sure you two would never be friends again. You’re so strong. The disappointment in your eyes formed into black burnt stones inside Iwaizumi, weighing him into your pain. Iwaizumi disrespected you.

When Iwaizumi heard the news first, he couldn't understand why he lied at first. It ate at him for days to be so close to you with a lie between the two of you. Every time your eyes looked into his, Iwaizumi’s gut twisted and almost made him want to throw up. It was as if the guilt pitted deep into his stomach to torment him and no matter what he did to ease it, nothing would make him feel better. Iwaizumi decided too late to tell you the truth. The pain that struck Iwaizumi’s chest was nothing compared to the stomach pains he had from his lies. The lies were his decision. But the results of his lie, when you heard the truth from Oikawa… It’s baffling how blind Iwaizumi was to his feelings for you. Iwaizumi lied about the most horrible thing to you.

Yet you continue to give him the brightest and most dazzling of smiles.

“Iwaizumi-kun, c’mon the show's about to start,” you hurry along. You step past Iwaizumi, the smell of your avocado soap just barely reaching his nose. Avocado’s have become his favorite scent ever since Iwaizumi met you. You barely turn back to call him again. “Iwaizumi-kun, can you—”

“I don’t deserve you,” Iwaizumi interrupts with a twisted face you have never seen before. He held onto your small wrist so firmly, as if you were going to fall face flat into the ground. But the hold was gentle, spread out. Warm. Iwaizumi’s hold and stare stops your breath short.

Iwaizumi can see it in your face though. You can’t hear this, no, you don’t want to. The night was supposed to be normal, this is going to bring it back to where you were before.

You start to shake your head, pulling your arm back slowly. “Iwaizumi-kun—”

“Just,” he hisses, desperate almost.

It takes every single second and every amount of courage Iwaizumi can manage to hold just to not burst out everything he’s thinking. But Iwaizumi knows it could all just blow up in his face like before, it has been. He can’t keep making these mistakes and having you suffer the repercussions. It’s not fair. All this pain you’ve kept going through just because Iwaizumi was so damn confused. As he’s holding your wrist and staring into your eyes, Iwaizumi knows these are the two thinnest threads of connections he has left with you.

Anything Iwaizumi said wrong could cut him off from you for good.

The realization levels Iwaizumi’s conscience. He breaks the stare between you two before resting his forehead into the crook of your neck and shoulders. You feel his warm sigh against your chest and the warmth in your cheeks felt hotter than the fire.

“I fucked up alot with you,” Iwaizumi began. “You kept getting hurt because of me, and I… I am so sorry. You always had my back but I pretty much stabbed yours. ____-san, I do not deserve you at all.”

Your body was trembling. Iwaizumi knows it all sounds even worse now. After the talk you two have had, he knows how this sounds. When Iwaizumi stood straight and looked into your tearing eyes, he expected the frustration to show. Clenching his fists tightly calms his anxiety a bit.

“Iwaizumi-kun, we promised we—”

“I was just scared to admit I do want to be with you,” Iwaizumi thought aloud.

“—that we wouldn’t…” your voice trails off as each word Iwaizumi said processes in your mind.

You replay the sound of his voice. _ I was just scared to admit I do want to be with you.  _ You replay the movements of his lips.  _ I was just scared to admit I do want to be with you.  _ You replay the fire dancing in the reflection of Iwaizumi’s stern eyes as he stares into yours.  _ I was just scared to admit I do want to be with you. _

“It took a long time to realize that, ____-san. And I’m sorry it took…” Iwaizumi was struggling to find the right words to say because he can’t read what you’re thinking. He doesn’t know what’s the right thing to say next. But Iwaizumi knows he can’t keep dwelling on those what ifs. “I’m sorry you got hurt just for me to realize I want us together. But that’s what I want; I want to be with you.”

Iwaizumi still can't read your face. What if he was saying the wrong thing? But you didn’t take your hand back when Iwaizumi intertwined his fingers loosely with yours. That was a good sign, right?

“I just can't have you leave without trying. Even though I know I don’t deserve you, I can’t stop thinking about you walking out and how much I would hate it. I had to try for you, I just couldn’t leave things between us like that. If that really was going to be the last time we ever met, I couldn’t live with that. When I…” Iwaizumi’s face twisted. He didn’t have it as bad as you, but remembering how you looked at him made Iwaizumi’s chest twist.

Your eyes softened but your grip closed the gap between your hands. It’s amazing you can even half a smile. “You can skip that part.”

It’s so nice to have even a small laugh together. Your eyes lock, hearing the fire cackling and the crowds around conversations blending together. Iwaizumi knows you’re waiting. You have been waiting for him for so long. Iwaizumi spent enough time avoiding his turn.

“Do you wanna head to the hill?” Iwaizumi whispers.

Your eyes widen. The last time you two were at the hill… Iwaizumi told you he thought you would never give him a chance. At the time the sentence caught you off guard. You thought he was teasing you because Kuroo found out about your crush for Iwaizumi. But what got that arrow to shoot straight through the middle of your heart was what Iwaizumi said after. It must have been the ambience of the late night sky with the full moon or the fact that it was only Iwaizumi and you in such a lovely field overlooking the amazing view… But whatever it was, something about Iwaizumi smiling at you and admitting ‘he could only dream of dating you” shot a canon through your heart. That very second you knew your heart was healing only because of Iwaizumi. You fell so deep into him there was no telling how to get out.

“I…” your breath gets stuck. The corner of your lips perk up.

No matter what you say, Iwaizumi is prepared. He’s taken his chance, he’s said what he wanted to say. Iwaizumi played his turn. “____-san, do you… Do you want to go to the hill and start over?”

Now it’s your turn. Do you take the chance with Iwaizumi?


End file.
